Green-Fingered Mayhem: Houseplants Cause Workforce Meltdown

NOVA ROMA, AVESTA - Another day, another Avesta meltdown. What began as a small business idea has turned into an unexpected socio-economic event. It seems like Seedlings across the society of Nova Roma have fallen under the spell of houseplants, thanks, it seems, to a sudden market resurgence and a pile of expiring clay. Bear with us here, we’re trying to get our head around it too.

'Your employees, if they are not interacting with plants, will interact with random people instead.' Photo: Maowhaus

Local producer Cultivator Maowhaus began crafting a limited batch of indoor flora to offset an accidental clay surplus. But what was meant to be a helpful community gesture spiraled into chaos as seedlings started prioritizing plant interactions over actual labor.

“They don’t work anymore,” Maowhaus fumed, and heard by the UNN. “They water the plants, observe the plants, dance with the plants. I can’t stop them.”

Meanwhile over in Avalon, Staticsprite and Monkey_Elite joined the chorus of confusion and reported that Seedlings began abandoning desks to hold conversations with ferns.

Meanwhile, storage systems failed to recognize houseplants as valid inventory items, leading to further disruption. Reports emerged of Seedlings stuffing plants into fridges and wardrobes in desperation.

“The plants have rooted into the premises. I literally cannot pack them up,” said Maowhaus. “They’ve become invasive.”

But warnings persist: unless regulated, decorative plants could become a major productivity hazard. Maybe this shouldn’t come as a surprise considering we’re dealing with a new type of human after all, named Seedling. Are plants trying to make a comeback? Should Seedlings be worried? As Maowhaus said with an air of foreboding: ‘Plants are the worst’.